Monthly Archives: September 2013

SPECIFICITY

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1236663_10151848705814935_737992015_nAbout a year or so ago I had breakfast with Dion and WFTL’s Joyce Kaufman at a Diner in South Florida. Dion was recalling one of the luckiest days of his life which occurred while he still was attending High School in the Bronx even though he had a hit record on the charts. One day he came home to discover a bunch of “Soprano” type guys sitting around his kitchen.

The one who appeared to be the boss man said to him, hey Dion your old man here was braggin’ on ya down at the club last night, he claims you have a big record out or something. We can help you with that sorta stuff but first I need to hear the record. About halfway through the listen the spokesperson takes the needle off the record, turns to Dion’s Dad and says … Your Son sounds like he is singing through a dish rag and with that they got up and left.

I wanna be on the same health care plan Obama is on, not the one he’s pushing.

I just had a very scary realization … A lot of the acts my band the Jury opened for such as Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash, Peter and Gordon, Ral Donner and Bill Black to name a few have already exited the planet. Should I be getting my affairs in order.

Men tend to get in the way of a Woman’s career where as Woman become his support crew.

I think your Woman should be your best friend not a f**king dog!

I wonder if Woman know whether or not they look good in skinny jeans because we sure do.

The Reality of the situation is Women need Men more then Men need Women.

As much as I respect Ronald Reagan I do have to come to grips with the fact that he was the one that emptied the institutions of the mentally ill who still walk amongst us today.

As long as America continues to believe that human rights are more important than morals or decency a lotta people will continue to shoot at us.

RG III just became RG 0 & 3 while the Fish went 3 & 0 who woulda thunk!

You can always tell when when You Tube is running bonus commercials, they’re the ones you are allowed to skip in 5 seconds.

Survivors are never in charge of anything least of all their own destiny.

It always feels strange to me when I’m informed that the birthday of someone I know has passed is coming up in 3 days.

40 years ago Billy Jean King beat Bobby Riggs in a Man vs Woman televised tennis match. To this day I’m still wondering if the reason Billy Jean won was because it was best for the sport.

How did the NFL players forget how to tackle so quickly.

The only way to change your reputation is by drastically altering your character.

The right time to do something you’ve always wanted to do is right now!

Now that Nielson has paid around 1.3 Billion for Arbitron would you predict the ratings are going to get more reliable or not. My money is on a lot worse as they look for ways to service that debt. Time for America to do what Canada did which was to own part of the Rating company.

The more Radio changes the more it stays the same.

The construction cannot start until the dreamer finishes dreaming the dream.

Timing is everything in show biz, no matter how great you are if you go a little bit to long that’s all the audience remembers. Much better to leave them wanting like Elvis always did.

Because humor comes from a dark place success becomes the enemy of funny.

If you are telling folks you’re thinking of doing something you’ll never do it.

The only thing good about growing old is you begin to understand things so life is no longer much of a mystery.

There is a saying a lot of Men understand … If sex ever comes up in the conversation at dinner there will be none for dessert.

Back when my Daughter Candis was turning four I realized I needed to become who she already thought I was. 25 years later when my Daughter Cami was turning four I discovered I still had a lot of work left to do.

Unless you can say what you mean and mean what you say, you have no shot at happiness.

There is nothing as powerful as a hit song, it just kinda sneaks up on you and sometimes changes your life.

The only people I completely trust are the ones who love me. Boy that list could use a tad more people on it I’m thinkin’.

I think there should be some course you can take 0n how to handle falling in love. It’s the best and worse thing that will ever happen to you.

It appears that accumulating wealth has little to do with you being nice or not.

Joe Amaturo’s favorite word is “specificity” but by the time you learn how to pronounce it it’s already too late to live by it.

When asked my beautiful friend Marnie about her love life (hoping she didn’t have one) she claimed she was currently dating three and a half Men. Of course I asked her about the 1/2 Man! She told me he was a nice guy whom she invited up to her place when he drove her home after a very pleasant evening. He claimed he couldn’t because he had an early morning meeting.

Wow Oracle after being down 8-1 came back to win America’s Cup.

 

 

BEAUTY IS NEVER ENOUGH.

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Marnie, Joasia, and Princess Di only have three things in common. They are all very smart, very beautiful, and all three have been cheated on. I happen to know the reasons why and there are 50 of them.

Being beautiful is not near enough which the lovely ladies above have all known for some time!

I love buying stuff for beautiful Women I can’t help myself. I like seeing the excited look on their face when you surprise them with something they really wanted and in fact the whole experience is probably more fun for me than it is for them. Paying their bills on the other hand is a total and complete drag!

You can change a Woman’s mood instantly by using one or more of the following phrases … I Love You, I’m Sorry, or 50% Off. 

Wow my favorite model Emily Ratajkowski (Blurred Lines Video) is going to star in a new movie that shoots this fall with Ben Affleck. 

A good looking guy who dresses sharp, tips well and drives a Ferrari never seems to be shopping for a Wife.

Jimmy Johnson claims you can go from ordinary to extraordinary by doing just a little more of that extra part.

Chris Rock is all for bullying because he claims that only the people who were bullied when they were kids are gonna come up with the stuff we are gonna need like new fuels and cures for Cancer, Aids, and such.

I wonder what Mother Nature’s intentions really were when she created baldness?

I do believe in Magic and Miracles!

The largest porn network in the world is located in Canada.

In show business it all starts with a story and all the actors, singers, painters, sculptors, announcers, etc. either give the story life or they don’t.

When you finally exit the planet all that will be left of you is your reputation.

A real leader in the beginning defines the goal and at the end thanks the troops.

According to my friend Tim Moore you can appoint a Manager but not a Leader. Becoming a leader is only earned over time.

Social Media is still not as powerful as word of mouth.

Why is WiFi only free at the less expensive hotels.

Almost anyone can learn how to play guitar but no one can learn how to sing.

It is said that if you only think about yesterday or tomorrow it tends to be psychotic. That may be true but if you only think about today you may miss future.

You tend to like the people who like you. The reverse is also true.

I am so pissed! I spent 3 hours this week shopping for the perfect Homecoming dress for Cami. The good news is we found it, the bad news is she’s not going. She just found out that if she was planning on attending the Wellington High Homecoming Dance on Friday she had to fill out a form before she would be allowed to do so. While she was filling out the form she asked if she also had to fill one out for her boyfriend Andrew who was coming home for the dance from SFU in Tampa where he is a pre – med student. She was told that she would have had to do that last week so the school had enough time to do a background check on him. Cami informed them that Andrew was an “A” student at this very school last year so how much more background than that do you think you need was her question and wasn’t Homecoming designed especially for students like him. The answer was “rules are rules” even though there was no posting of these so called rules that she was aware of. Cami of course is not going to attend the dance without Andrew but I am trying to convince her not to let the issue drop. I am trying to convince her to take this situation to the top or as high up as she can get. I feel that seeing as she is a Senior now not to mention also an honors student, she has earned the right to question authority. She no longer needs to blindly follow the bureaucrats who live in a CYA world and only worry about who is gonna sue them rather than what’s right anymore. This kind of activity is not as natural for Cami as it was for Candis, but she may do it if for no other reason than to keep me out of it. I have never been afraid of teachers!

You don’t know what you were born to do until you do it.

I wonder how many millions of dollars it cost Oprah not to back Hillary years ago when the Women of America expected her to do so.

 

I’M SORRY!

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942219_10151878371699307_494554145_n1Even though I’m a California kinda guy about 18 years ago I decided to move to South Florida. The reason for my big move was so I could be near my about to be born baby Daughter. Not only have I never regretted making that life changing decision but I’ve never even thought about it up until now. Cami who is in her Senior year will be going off to college next fall.

When Cami leaves home I will be free to live where ever I want to live and do what ever I want to do for the rest of my life.
Luckily for me I’ve been involved in some of the world’s greatest Radio promotions over the years such as ‘The Last Contest’ ‘The Magic Ticket’ (it bought me my first Mercedes) ‘ The Peoples Choice’ ‘The 50% Off Free Fair’ ‘The Check’s In The Mail’ ‘The Prize Catalog’ (it helped buy our first Radio Station) ‘The Radio Rewards Program’ (it made my Brother rich.) These great promotions had one special thing in common, they were neither sales nor programming events, they were both. These huge Radio events produced both Ratings and Revenue and they did it at the same time. My plan is to put them all together along with some social media and go for world domination. As Walt Disney once said … The definition of creativity is to do something brand new or do something old in a brand new way. Besides all that Cami needs a new car to get to college in.

The only Radio meetings I’m interested in attending are the ones where we discuss how to get more listeners and mo’ money!

Have you ever noticed that the air talent you would be nervous about having in your home are usually the ones that are the most fun to listen to on the Radio.

​The folks would rather hear a bad commercial on the Radio than a bad song.
Your most loyal listener only listens to your station 3 days a week, if you could get them to listen to you one more day you would revolutionize Radio.
​

When you’re through learning not only are you through but you’re also dead.

Without rules there is very little creativity.

How come all the things that are supposed to be faster and easier are neither.

Your need for money has absolutely nothing to do with how much you earn other than if you use it as motivation.

I’ve had a few Women try to change me but the only two that have even come close were my Daughters.

When John Lennon said … The Beatles were just a band(better said with an English accent) but Yoko’s my life, I don’t remember anyone saying awwww isn’t that sweet!

Most Women understand why you don’t see a pretty girl at a bus stop.

For some reason a lot of Women think they need to lose 10 pounds.

Speaking of 10, my buddy Bob Christy who is at a reunion in Grand Forks called to say the first person he bumped into at his hotel was a Winnipegger who claimed the Jets are sold out for 10 years. I guess the folks have decided that they are never gonna let the Jets leave Winnipeg again.

Good usually gets in the way of great.

​Hookers ain’t cool but they’re still a lot less expensive than the free ones.

The most powerful words you’ll ever say is “I’m Sorry” unless it is accompanied by an excuse.

None of us are getting outta here alive so we might as well raise a little hell. ​

No matter how badly you’re doing, you are still doing better than most people who have ever lived before you.

Pictures of yourself are pretty boring but pictures of you with a beautiful Woman the folks all have time for.

You’re a lot more amusing when you’re the one buying the drinks.

Pretty Women sitting at a bar alone do want you to talk to them.

My taste in Women hasn’t seemed to have evolved much, when I was fifteen 20 year olds looked great and they still do.

One Woman at a time is already a way more than enough.

Revenge is a beautiful way to get over anger.

Unless you know someone, avoid places with velvet ropes and lines.

If you need a little motivation so you’ll work harder, try riding the bus to work for a week.

How could you possibly not take it personally when you get fired.

Why do movie stars wanna be singers and singers wanna be movie stars.

There’s got to be a good reason why there are not a lotta plaques and statues honoring Mr Businessman.

Even after all these years one of my favorite breathless moments was hearing Jimmy Darin play our first record “Until You Do” – The Jury on the Radio for the first time.

I wonder what’s worse, being married to someone you don’t love or being married to someone who doesn’t love you.

My good friend Marnie Howard once told me that she thought I was fearless, I wonder if she meant that in a good way.

​Speaking of Marnie she is coming out with her new book very soon entitled “Bumble​ssons: Reminding Children to Practice Kindness.” Once it’s out I wonder if I will be able to talk her into writing a book with me.

Wow, Bo-Sox best record in baseball … Can you spell World Series!

If you like Monty Python…

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John Cleese has it about right: 
 
“The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
 
The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
 
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.
 
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
 
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
 

BAD GIRLS !

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1959_61569706396_8445_n3About a year ago I had dinner in Vegas with Hall Of Fame songwriter Jeff Barry. Jeff wrote a bunch of hits like, Be My Baby, Da Do Run Run, Leader Of The Pack, Montego Bay, Chapel Of Love, and I Honestly Love You. Jeff claims he only had one tune that was a complete failure. Roulette Records came to him and said they needed a real bad song for the flip side of Tommy James and the Shondells new record. They didn’t want any doubt about which side was the plug​ side so nobody would be tempted to flip it over. Jeff came up with ‘Hanky Panky’ and the rest as they say is history.

Luckily most of the people who were a good influence on me during my life are still alive so I still have some time to thank them plus plan the demise of those that weren’t.

You should always do what you fear first.

You are who you act like during your worst moment.

Have you ever noticed right after you did something you wish you hadn’t done you know immediately what you should have done instead.

Good humor usually comes from great pain.

 23% of the world’s population are natural born leaders, the rest of us have to fake it.

A lot of Women go through a “Bad Girl” phase … You can only pray you are close by whenever it occurs.

Speaking of praying I think religion is like giant corporation we all have the same CEO but we work for different divisions.

​A lot​ of us are kinda prepared and anticipate the worst but few of us are prepared for the very best.

Speaking of the very best two of them retired on the same day, Little Richard and Jack Nicholson!

If you are dead you’re the only person who doesn’t realize it just like if you are stupid.

In 2001 there were 70,000 porn sites in America, now there are 4.2 million.

Speaking of such things the most searched porn related word is MILF the second is Teen.

An insane person never wonders if they are.

I’m thinkin’ Broncos 49ers in the Big One what are you thinkin’.

The loss of time is one of the few things that can’t be ever be recovered it’s gone forever.

While growing up most great leaders rarely did what ever they were taught to do.

Bad decisions aint all bad ’cause sometimes they make great stories.

I know a lot of guys who cheat only because they get hit on all the time by pretty things. Maybe it’s like a Woman trying to turn down a free pair of Jimmy Choo’s new shoes.

Most Men require unconditional adoration from their Women even if they don’t deserve it, they learned it from their Mothers.

If you could TeVo Radio just like you can TV just what would program would that be.

The thing I miss most in the biz are all the Radio Mavericks.

 Radio used to be part of Show Business until they pulled the show and business apart allowing the Magic to escape.

 It takes some talent to recognize talent.

Ringo was the perfect drummer for The Beatles because he allowed us to hear all their subtleties.

Ryan Seacrest personifies the difference between being creative and being gifted. Obviously creativity pays more.

I hear the Transcona Nationals can beat the Bombers this year.

Speaking of football, the Gators, Irish, Gamecocks, Trojans, Longhorns, Giants, Packers, Vikings, Falcons, Steelers and the Ravens  all go down. How ’bout that Peyton Manning!