MEN FANTASIZE ABOUT WOMEN THEY KNOW!

scan0006One of the bigger thrills of my life was when we “The Jury” opened for the legendary Roy Orbison.

Is it lying when you leave out the truth?

The best days of your life only seem to show up after you fight through some pretty bad ones.

If you want something special that you’ve never had before you’re going to have to do something you’ve never done before.

You only begin to grow old when you no longer laugh.

The way I figure it is your Human Rights end right at the tip of my nose!

Most Women want the Men in their lives to change just a little. Most Men pray their Women never change but the reverse is usually what happens.

 One of my Daughters wants to get older the other wants to get younger and only one will have her wish come true which of course falls into the category of … Be careful of what you dream for it may come true.

Men generally fantasize about Women they know. Women on the other hand usually fantasize about Men they don’t know.

Usually the more talented you are on the Radio the less local you have to be but if you are both you are unbeatable.

Every successful enterprise needs 3 types of people leading it. The Dreamer, The Businessman, and the Son-of-a-bitch. Walt Disney was all three.

The Sports Reporters I like best are the ones who tell stories about heroes and anti-heroes, not zeros.

Most big personalities on the Radio are for all things that are good and against all things that are evil.

Last Sunday night while sitting at the bar at Duffy’s waiting for my friend Roger and his beautiful fiance Georgina to show up a fairly attractive young Woman sits down beside me. We begin a small conversation about the Football games going on around us and she tells the bartender to go ahead and bring me another of whatever I’m having on her. Then she stands up and says check this out Man, and proceeds to tug her jeans far enough down to reveal not only a bunch of little star piercings but also the fact that she had shaved a little more than her legs that morning. When she finally pulled her jeans back up she turned to me with a smirk on her face and said … When was the last time you had somebody as young and hot as I am? Last night, was my reply!

Speaking of Roger and Georgina this was the strangest Christmas ever for me because it was the first time in my life I was going to spend it without Family or loved ones. Roger and Georgina when they heard about it were kind enough to include me in their Christmas celebration along with Georgina’s sons Guy and Luke. Roger whose Father was the Head Chef and Co-Owner of the world famous Le Cirque Restaurant in New York prepared a wonderful meal consisting of Duck as the main course and we just seemed to be eating the whole night away as he brought out course after course. Jean would have been proud. My only comment about the whole affair was … Mmmmmmmmmmm!

According to Einstein imagination is much more important than knowledge.

Neil Simon’s play “Laughter On The 13th Floor” was about the death of manufactured bits.

Mark Hubbard claims Women are like crock pots and Men are like microwave ovens.

Wise talk show hosts always lure the guests into saying what they themselves would like to say but can’t afford to.

Movies generally only have two themes, an unfamiliar path leading to a familiar ending or a familiar path leading to unfamiliar ending. Radio also only has two themes, foreground and background.

Radio needs to understand that it must anticipate in which direction the money and listeners are flowing and be there waiting for them if it wants to be more successful.

Even though I believe everything on Radio needs a strong open, a little drama, then a powerful ending sometimes the set up is where the genius lies. Jeff and Jer in San Diego are excellent at this.

My two favorite Radio concepts are the Jack Benny approach which Carson and Seinfeld used so successfully and the Abbot and Costello approach used by Madden and Michaels.

Remember when the NAB was spending tons of our money trying to prevent the merger of the two satellite companies. If my memory is correct I believe they both failed.

The short walk down the aisle does not change conditional love into unconditional love.

A good Radio host needs only to be good highlighter he need not be an expert on anything.

Do the oil companies understand that we notice that gas prices rise much faster than they fall.

The billing on a Radio station eventually follows the ratings.

Just like in football Radio can become fairly successful just running systems but if you have a gifted talent on your team he can take the game to a whole new level called “Greatness”

According to Socrates ratings follow product.

MORE SEX IS THE ANSWER!

jdMy first Radio boss was a DJ by the name of Jimmy Darin who was also the program Director of the Radio Station we worked at in Winnipeg at CKY. Jimmy was married to a beautiful Woman named Babs with whom he had two kids named James and Crystal and because I was only a kid too he was like a father figure to me. Almost everything I was ever lucky enough to achieve in Broadcasting probably can be traced back to his inspiration and brilliant teachings. Jimmy had met Babs early in his career when he was jocking at a small Radio Station in Wichita Falls Texas and when they were first married he explained to her that they would be moving around a lot as he pursued his dream of working in the “Big Apple”. Meanwhile though he impressed upon her their short term goal was to chase the money. He cautioned her not to get too involved in the community or make too many friends because if somebody somewhere was willing to pay him fifty bucks a week more they were as good as gone.

A couple of station moves later, Jimmy who was still in his early 20’s was summoned to the owner’s carpeted big corner office where he was informed that the board had just voted him in as their newest Vice President. Jimmy was thrilled with the announcement of course but was also somewhat shocked and surprised that a special honor like this was being bestowed upon him at such an early age and he could hardly wait to share the good news with Babs. When the meeting was over and all the congratulations were finally done he rushed to the phone and almost shouting into it and said, guess what Chipmunk they just made me a V/P of the Radio Station and I am so stoked about it. She excitedly responded with … That’s great! How much does it pay?

I think if bullets were tougher to get we might have a better chance of surviving.

If it was also tougher to get married maybe marriages would have a better chance at surviving.

Deborah Cremer wrote after reading my Blog “To Tat Or Not To Tat” that she thought I should let Cami have the Tattoo mainly because she had a good cause and she sold it real well. She claimed she is still pissed at her kids because when they turned 18 they got one and it absolutely stands for nothing!

When I posted a recent Blog on Facebook called SCAM ALERT about an hour later my stats page claimed over 2000 people read it. I called my tech guy and told him my stats page counter is screwing up and must be adding 0’s to the real count. He called me back and said no the counter is working fine but now you are up to over 6000 people have read your Blog and it’s gone viral Man. Wow!

This just in, surprise surprise the scammers check bounced and even though they over communicated with me sending 105 texts in two days, when I informed them the check bounced and wondered if they were still expecting my report, they never replied. Strange(-:

Once you understand what it is you are afraid of it is no longer fearful.

Most Artists know the definition of Art is simply the observation of life and your exaggerated take on it. The way you express what you observed determines whether or not you are any good as an Artist.

I know more sex is always the answer but sometimes I forget what the question was.

Never miss an opportunity to celebrate your successes because they will be seldom ever mentioned, unlike your failures.

Henry Ford once said that if anybody thinks they are going to be happy when the Government takes care of them better check out the American Indians first.

My friends can all see what I see in the Hunny Bunny but very few of them can see what the hell she sees in me.

Speaking of welfare, I don’t think anyone on Welfare should make more than the lowest paid American worker. The reason is obvious.

I’m always on my best behavior in front of my Daughters and thats how I always did Radio.

Ivan Braiker of Hip Cricket once said he finally discovered that it was not what George Johns did on his Radio Stations that made them successful it was what he didn’t do. Shhh Ivan, don’t give away the secrets!

I always thought the sound America liked best was a White person sounding Black or a Black person sounding White.

Radio is just like smoking used to be to me. I don’t like it that much anymore but I can’t quit.

Any other words other than yes really mean no.

When I was the PD of CFRA in Ottawa I got a 100 share on a weekend day part. I didn’t believe it for a second but I sure wanted the competition too.

There’s being a lot of discussion about PPM and its ramifications but what I haven’t heard are the words … Finally We Have The Truth!

Was Custer the last General to lead his troops into battle.

Speaking of Generals all I know is the little one is still leading me to places I probably shouldn’t go!

 

 

TWO VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GIFTS!


About 40 years ago a new adventure in my life began and it came as an early Christmas present and a total surprise. There I was in the middle of the night hanging out in the waiting room of St. Boniface hospital in Winnipeg anxiously awaiting the birth of my Son Curtis. Earlier in the evening I had been celebrating my Birthday along with my Wife Lana and my Parents at dinner when all of a sudden it was time to rush her to the hospital. I was so nervous I don’t even remember how we got there … Hell maybe Lana drove. I do remember the hours spent just waiting and waiting though and must have been dosing when I heard my name being called. I looked up to see a nurse holding what seemed to be a tiny alien from outer space. This poor little creature had a slightly misshapen head and her body was covered in some kind gooey substance. Lana it turned out had a very difficult time giving birth so the Doctor had to use some forceps. As I got up and approached the the doorway I heard the nurse say congratulations Mr. Johns you are now the proud Father of a brand new ??? Now at the time I remembered thinking that French accent of hers she sure dragged the Son word out. Then it hit me, she didn’t say Son she said Daughter. Daughter! What the hell do you do with them?

Some 28 years later shortly before Christmas I  once again received another special gift as I went through a somewhat similar scenario. Only this time they did a C- section which brought Cami into the world looking perfect. I had also known for sometime she was on the way so she wasn’t a surprise. When Candis was born Fathers were not allowed in the birthing room and even though I had the right to be there for Cami’s birth I chose not to do so. Her Mom Kari with whom I had once been engaged were having a few problems and frankly I didn’t think I would get out of there alive.(-:

Candis and Cami couldn’t be more unlike each other even though Cami always looked like she could have been Candis’ Daughter. The differences between them are pretty apparent. Candis has always been very outgoing and talkative where as Cami is much more reserved and quiet. Cami may appear shy but she has that Johns rage burning inside her which I have never seen but I understand her Mother and cousin Christina have so I wouldn’t suggest crossing her. Candis has always been pretty assertive and even as a child would go knocking on doors whenever we moved into a new neighborhood to ask if they had any little girls there she could play with. What Candis and Cami do have in common and I am most proud of is they are both brilliant!
Candis got turned on to learning from her 5 Th grade teacher Mr. Coke. He turned her into an “A” student which she was all the way into High School which she finished up in France. She made the Dean’s list at NYU in New York before graduating Magna Cum Laude from UCLA in Los Angeles where she still makes her home today. Cami started out in Kindergarten as an “A” student and has continued to be one all the way to High School where she is in the honors program as a junior at Wellington High in Florida.

At this time of year I cant help but think of them as the most wonderful Christmas gifts I have ever received. They have grown into beautiful young women and have both provided me with a lot of proud memories.  Most of the memories I have about Candis involve singing which she did all the time. I swear her favorite part of Christmas was the ornaments on the tree which looked like little microphones provided for her to sing into to. Her great voice (lord knows she had her 10,000 hours in easily by this time) got her the lead in “South Pacific” at Coronado high school in California where she was the freshman and junior girl of the year while receiving numerous scholastic awards. Candis had such a big voice for such a petite girl that they had to mic the poor teacher who was playing opposite her so she wouldn’t drown him out. Later on while attending classes at UCLA she also started writing and formed  a band called “The Tortured Poets” which played at Whisky and the Roxy on Sunset Strip quite often. I still love listening their CD and hearing all the tunes Candis wrote which were mostly about her life. Cami has also been involved in doing the show biz thing by being in a bunch of theatrical productions and my favorite moment watching her play Dorothy in her school’s production of The Wizard Of Oz. She was even recruited by Lake Worth High School to be a big part of a play they had in a competition.
Candis besides being talented is also very athletic. She finished 3rd in State in gymnastics in Indiana then became a swimmer and a runner and has run numerous Marathons. She even went on to compete in the Iron Man competition which scared the hell out of me. Cami on the other hand I swear has tried every athletic endeavor known to mankind but didn’t seem to like them as much as texting which she did 8000 times one month. She is very fast and good at texting I’m told  but I’m just not sure what kind of a career that leads to. She has taught me how to do it now though and it is the main way I communicate with her and a lot of others.

My friends often scold me for being a way too soft on my Daughters claiming I’ve spoiled them by giving them anything they’ve ever wanted. Luckily for for me I guess is they never wanted much and if they are spoiled they hide it well because they both turned out to be pretty good human beings. My life plan which I have preached to them over and over was they should only pursue whatever makes them happy above everything else. As their Father I have always felt that my main job was to protect them from bad things which sometimes included themselves and I am still on that watch even today. I’m a little more dangerous now though because I actually think I would kill anybody that dared harm them. I feel everybody’s human rights end at the tip of their noses and at my age what the hell are they going to do to me anyway.

Seventeen years ago I got another early Christmas present in the form of my wee Daughter Cami whom they brought to me when she was about 5 minutes old. She was screaming her lungs out as I eased her into my arms and sat down in the provided rocking chair. I began to stroke her silky smooth baby hair and couldn’t resist kissing her very chubby cheeks and whispering in her ear how much I loved her and telling her how much fun we were going to have together as she grew into a young Woman. (Little did either of us know that one of those fun things was going from Florida to California on Amtrak. Cami was done with after the first hour with 3 days to go). I went on to explain that I had been very well trained as a Dad by her sister Candis and with her help I thought could even become a better one. Soon she started to calm down and so began our wonderful 17 year relationship. The next day when I went back to the Hospital to visit her I brought my good friend Reid Reker with me and even before I could point her out to him he said, George I would cancel that blood test your lawyer wants you to get because unless I am mistaken that baby over there is either your Brother Reg’s, Candis’ or yours, don’t embarrass yourself Man!

When Candis first met Cami she said to me … Your not going to do to her what you did to me are you Dad? Do you have you any idea how scary it is too find out when you enter the real world you aren’t near as precious as you always led me to believe. I assured her I had changed my ways and Cami only received “Tough Love” from me. Right! My favorite moments now are whenever I get to see my Daughters together and my all time favorite moment was when Cami was Candis’ flower girl at her wedding.(pictures)

When Candis finished College she went to work for Charlie Minor as his assistant at Giant Records where she learned the record business as she pursued her life long dream of becoming a recording Artist. Being a quick study she soon became the Director Of Licensing for WEA and was on the fast track for much bigger things when suddenly and surprisingly her baby clock went off. Now she is Supermom as she raises my Grandson Nathaniel and course is the President of the Parents Teacher Association at Crestview Preparatory School where Nathaniel goes to school.
Cami is starting to think about College which her Grandparents Bob and Maggie Summerfield had graciously prepaid when she was first born and it’s almost time to take the College tour which I am really looking forward to. My 17 year journey with Cami began with Da Da to Daddy on to Dad then to Dude. Now it’s back to Daddy which is my  favorite ever since her G’ma Maggie told me any man can be a Father but it takes a hell of a Man to be a Daddy!

I have always felt compelled as a Father to explain the mysteries of life to my girls so they can better control and understand what the future may have in store for them and I want them to to be as independent as they possibly can be. Cami claims my life stories just give her a headache and Candis says you can’t use any of my words or phrases because they must only make sense when I say them. She says whenever she uses them  people just get angry and Reid Reker completely agrees with her because whenever he uses them he claims people just start hitting him.
I feel both my Daughters both have great futures ahead of them but for now Cami has appointed herself as the designated Daughter who has been assigned the task of bringing me back down to earth now and then. For instance a few years ago as I was playing her one of The Jury’s songs from an oldies CD that was just released she asked if it was almost over and I replied no, why do you ask. It’s not very good was her very ugly reply! Recently she asked me if I was hanging out with any of the people that lived in my building yet. No I responded, most of the people who live in my building are too old. Well you’re old too Daddy she exclaimed. Ouch!

I love both my Daughters with all my heart which must be pretty apparent and in fact a friend once told me I should consider changing my name from George A. Johns to George (Ask me about my daughters) Johns. My Daughter adventures began a long time ago as a surprise early Christmas gift and the surprises just seem to keep on coming. What do you mean you want a tattoo Cami … What part about NO are you not getting baby! (continued in my blog entitled to tat or not to tat)

Geo’s Media Blog. (SCAM ALERT) #2 All-Time 12/19/2012

A couple of weeks ago I received an email from some company who wanted to know if I would be interested in becoming their Secret Shopper?
What they wanted me to do was to shop at various retail establishments, evaluate their service, and then write a report and they would pay me two hundred dollars and also let me keep all the stuff I bought.

Hell of a way to kick start Christmas shopping so, “Hell Yeah.” I forgot about the whole thing until a couple of days later when they contacted me again and asked for an address where they could send a check plus a number they could text me at.

Imagine my surprise when a check for $2500.00 showed up the next day, followed by a text asking me to contact them as soon as I deposited the check in my bank account.

When I got to my bank I decided to deposit it using the ATM because checks always clear faster. (mistake #1)
As soon as I made the deposit, I texted them, and they responded by telling me to check my computer for an email with step-by-step instructions.

While driving home, small warning bells started going off in my head, hey, who the hell sends $2500 to someone they don’t know? However, when I opened up the email, their instructions were quite detailed and looked very official.

The first thing that they wanted me to do was to pay myself $200.00 and then go to the closest Wal-Mart and spend $50.00 at the closest as soon as possible.
Next, they wanted me to go to Western Union and send a MoneyGram for a thousand dollars each to 2 two other mystery shoppers.

When these tasks were completed,  they wanted me to submit a short written report about how I was treated at both Wal-Mart and Western Union.
This all seemed attle weird but as long as the check cleared in the next day or so, what did I care.

When I asked them how many of these assignments I could expect before Christmas, they said it all depended on how quickly I completed my first two assignments, but I, of course, wasn’t going to do anything until that check cleared.

Still feeling weird about it, I forwarded a copy of their instructions to our CFO Ric Hindes, and asked for his advice. Rick said that it sure smelled like a scam, but he couldn’t figure out what they were scamming about.
I then decided to run it by my bank manager, and she said that it had all the signs of a scam and if I had made the deposit inside, they could call the bank the check was written on to see if there were sufficient funds to cover it.

She then explained that by law, they couldn’t hold a check for more than 24 hours, which meant that the funds would be available to me by 5:00 PM the next day. However, she added, if I were you, I wouldn’t use any of the money because it could take up to a week to know if the check was any good, and you’re responsible for any of the funds you used if it bounces.
CLANG ClANG! Ahhh, there it is, that’s why the so-called company wanted me to complete my assignment quickly. Their goal was to get me to wire two checks for a thousand dollars to their worker bees before the week was up, and then they’d disappear.

The next day, the pressure from the scammers really started to come, but I held them off by saying that I wasn’t going to do anything until that check cleared.
The next day I got 105 texts from them, and they were really starting to get nasty. They claimed that mystery shoppers in other cities needed me to complete my assignment before they could do theirs so I told them that I would call the bank the next morning to see if the check had cleared yet.

The next day, they were all over me, so I told them that the check had cleared and I would withdraw the money on my way home from work.
They were going crazy, so I told them that I would leave work early and withdraw the money. The next thing I did was tell them that the bank was closed by the time I got there, and the ATM had a limit on how much it would give me, so I’d have to try again in the morning.

By the next morning, they are going ballistic, and somehow the Wal-Mart assignment has fallen by the wayside, now they just want me to get the money from the bank and head to Western Union.
I tell them that the bank won’t give me the money because there’s something wrong with the check. They call bullshit because, as they said, there’s no way the bank could know anything about the check yet. (they should know)

I bought some time by saying that I would go back into the bank and demand my money, which calmed them for the moment. Instead, I went on the Rich Stevens at WFTL in Fort Lauderdale and warned the folks about the scam.
It was an enjoyable show with many folks calling in to tell us about their own scam stories, and I also think we helped a few people.

The whole time I was on Rich’s show, they were texting me like crazy, and I couldn’t help but think that if these guys worked this hard at something legitimate, they’d probably be very successful.
Once I finished the show, I texted them to say that I was on my way to the bank and they’d hear from me when I got the money.

A half-hour later, I texted them that I was at the bank, but they still wouldn’t give me the money because they still claim that something was wrong with the check, so you need to send me another. When they said that there was no way in hell that they were doing that, I gave them a little hope by telling them that the bank told me to come back the next morning because they may have a way of clearing this all up.

Then the texts started slowing down and I can only guess that they were on to me as I was on to them. Damn, I can still see that money just laying there in my account, but all I get to do instead of spending it is to share this blog about it with two excellent scammers, Wander Thorman and Kevin Pool, along with a text that reads, “You can’t scam a scammer Mo-Fos!

Hey, this just in … Surprise surprise, in 5 days, the check bounced, which cost me 12 dollars, which was well worth the price of admission, not to mention that over 6000 people have already read this blog, and we got a radio show out of it too. However, when I texted the bad news to Wander and Kevin about the check bouncing, they never responded. C’mon guys!

Monday, my #1 blog of all time.

Geo’s Media Blog is an inside look at Radio, Music, Movies, Politics, and Life. For a sneak peek at some upcoming Blogs or to see some that you may have missed, go to Geo’s Media Blog @ GeorgeJohns.com.
On Twitter @GeoOfTheRadio. Sharing and commenting are encouraged and appreciated.

 

There Is No Such Thing As A Bad One??

One day while living in Indianapolis I got a frantic call from my Wife Lana who was in the emergency room at the hospital with my Son Curtis who was around 4 at the time. It seems he had his penis bitten by the little girl he had been playing with, but after a little patch work he was good to go.
Later that same evening the doorbell rang and when I opened the front door I found a stranger standing there holding a huge Teddy Bear. He introduced himself as a the Father of the little girl who Curtis had been playing with earlier in the day. I invited him in and as he hands me the stuffed bear he tells me how embarrassed he is having to meet me this way but would I give the Bear to my Son along with his sincere apologies. I of course accepted his gift and he went on to say … This is so weird, my Daughter gives your Son a BJ and I’m buying him gifts!

You’ll never realize how much your parents loved you until you become a parent yourself.

A few years ago I heard a Country tune called “I Saw It On The Radio” I sure haven’t seen much lately.

Most great shows on the Radio have the element of surprise in them.

Howard Stern reminds me of Johnny Carson for one reason, they were both great interviewers.

Growing up in Transcona I would listen to WLS at night. I don’t remember any of the bits or what they said, I just remember how the Jocks said the call letters like somehow they tasted good! 

The folks on top are not reasonable people.

Rich Stevens said that luckily not everyone has a smart phone otherwise who would honk when the light turned green.

Ron Jacobs said in Radio we all start with the same deck of cards its in which order you play them that makes all the difference.

Most Doctors didn’t graduate anywhere near the top of their class.

A lot of folks have asked me how I knew for sure that was really the Hunny Bunny in the Nurse outfit. Easy, I bought the shoes!

If it’s important enough you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse.

I had just turned 12 the day I heard R&B merge with Country to become Rock&Roll. That moment changed my life forever.

The traffic reports I like on the Radio are the ones that realize I'm no where near where they are talking about but they make them palatable. I guess I’m just not smart enough to figure out why the induction ceremony into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame isn’t held in Cleveland.

The toughest job any PD has is to not let anybody see him sweat an hour before the ratings come out.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they are not watching you.


Why do I think that all those little white pieces of paper they keep shoving at you called receipts have nothing to do with you.

My favorite thing Ronald Reagan ever did was allow the middle class to get rich.

Dreaming about the future will serve you much better than remembering the past.

Most guys are excited about a threesome until another guy shows up.

The 3 lies always start with … The check is in the mail but the next two are ever changing I guess depending on the times, the area you live or maybe what industry you work in. 
Radio of course has many more than three and here are my top 10 in no particular order gathered from over the years.
 
1. Coverage maps … The one sales has, the one the owner has, and the one the FCC has. 
2. If the rates were lower we could sell a ton of this.
3. Hey Man I am much better when I just wing it on the air I'm fresher that way. 
4. Don't worry about that right now, everything will work perfectly in the new building. 
5. The rumor in the street is we're for sale. 
6. We're the only station in town not running this bad spot.
7. If we don't do this promotion we don't get the money. 
8. If our competition even makes a move we're dragging out the war chest. 
9. I need an answer right now or we lose the money. 
10. I know I was supposed to be back at work today but they canceled my flight. 
11. Yours.