Chapter XVII (Wild Thing) 2/03/23

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We moved to Sudbury
for only a four-month stand.
Cuz Ottawa came calling
and changed all my plans.

 I learned to get ratings
which we got in abundance

But before then,
I just went with my hunches.

Growing weary of the drama in Saskatoon, I took a sideways job at CKSO in Sudbury.
Even though it was about two hundred and fifty miles north of Toronto, it was still in the east, so maybe I’d get noticed.

Sudbury is a nickel mining town, and because of early mining techniques that scorched parts of the land, it’s not the prettiest place on the planet.
In fact,
the astronauts used to practice their moonwalks there. (See the photo on top)

Unlike Saskatoon, I was pleased to discover that CKSO already sounded pretty good.
They had some great weapons like G. Michael Cranston, Roger Klein, and Bill Drake, so all it needed, I figured, was a little fine-tuning and some sizzle to take it from good to great. (G. Michael is pictured below)

As I began putting my plan together, a Van Morrison look-alike would occasionally appear outside my office door and just stare at me.
Figuring him to be some sales guy from the TV side, I just ignored him.

2015-10-17-16-40-43-1380780411After being there for about two weeks, my boss, George Lund, asked if I was ready to meet the big guy.
Surprised, I said, “George, I thought you were the big guy?” He laughed and said he ran the radio division, but Ralph Connor ran the whole company.” (George Lund is pictured above)

Ralph’s office was at the other end of the building, and after arriving at his outer office, his secretary said that Mr. Connor was on the phone, but he would be with us shortly.
While waiting, I couldn’t help but peek over her shoulder, and sure enough, there on the phone was the Van Morrison look-alike. (Ralph Connor is punctured at the top)

When we were ushered into Ralph’s office, Ralph motioned me to the chair in front of his desk and said, “George, you can stand.”
As I sit down, Ralph then says, “Mr. Lund, while you’re standing there, perhaps you can explain to me what it is your genius programmer is doing because whatever it is, I can’t hear it.”

George explained that I was busy putting a plan together, which he’ll be presenting shortly, and also familiarizing himself with the station’s policies.
Ralph then turns to me and says, “George, even though you don’t know me yet, could find it in your heart to do me a small favor?”

Before I could respond, he got to his feet and yelled, “DO NOT FOLLOW THE STATION’S F*CKING POLICIES; IF THE STATION’S POLICIES WERE ANY F*CKING GOOD, THE F*CKING RADIO STATION WOULD SOUND GOOD,” and with that, he dismissed us with a wave of his hand like we were Hop Sing from the Ponderosa.

As we leave Ralph’s office, George tells me not to worry about what happened because it’ll blow over soon enough.
Seething, I replied, “I don’t want it to blow over George; I wanna bring that f*cker to his knees!

I was now ready to tear the place apart but to do so, I needed my guys. So I convinced Woody Cooper and Doc Harris from CKOM and Gary Russell from CKLW to join me in Sudbury. (Doc Harris is pictured above, and Gary Russell is with me below)

After streamlining the music and tightening up the formatics, it was time to create some buzz.
The first thing we did was bring summer to Sudbury.

We threw a massive picnic at the local lake with free food, face painting, balloons, clowns, and street magicians. Then at the stroke of summer, we had the Canadian Airforce fly a squadron of jet fighters over the lake straight at us. Can you spell S-P-E-C-T-A-C-U-L-A-R?

I hadn’t seen Ralph since that first meeting, so  I relaxed until his secretary called and said Mr. Connor wanted to see me.
When I got to Ralph’s office, I noticed that George Lund was not present, which made me a little nervous.

Sensing my discomfort, Ralph immediately put me at ease by saying he loved our new sound.
Then he says,
“But I think we need to promote the new sound, so I’m giving you a TV budget and a camera crew; all you have to do is to come up with a great TV spot. (I’m pictured above editing the spot )

When I told the guys about it, they were very excited, and before long, we produced an outstanding TV commercial.
Wanting to get it on the air quickly, I rush the spot to Ralph’s office to get it cleared. 

When he slipped the cassette into his VCR, he turned the volume down.
Then a
s we’re standing there watching, he turns to me and asks, “George, what the hell is this spot about?”

Sarcastically, I tell him that if he had the audio up, he’d know because the audio is killer.
Ralph lets my sarcasm slide and then says something that has saved me thousands of dollars, “George, people don’t listen to TV; they watch it.”

After fixing the TV spot, things continued to go well, and then once again, I was summoned to Ralfph’s office.
He starts the meeting by telling me that he’s a New York kind of guy and that the only way that he can handle living in Sudbury is by bringing a little New York to the market.

“George,” he then says, “You have CKSO sounding as good if not better than a lot of the New York stations.
And because the station sounds so good, I’m throwing a big celebration party for you and your crew at a fancy resort just north of here.”

What a weekend! A bus filled with booze and food picked our wives and us up at the radio station, and by the time we got to the resort, the party had already started.
I don’t remember too much about that weekend, but I’m told that we had a great time.

I guess Ralph was right about how good CKSO sounded because shortly after that great party, CFRA in Ottawa hired me away.
I’m pretty sure Ralph would have paid me almost anything to stay, but when the “Bigs” call, ya gotta go, man.

Ok, you can get off your knees, Ralph.

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