Chapter VI (Free Bird) 1/30/23 (6)

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In the previous chapter, “Wild Women Don’t Get The Blues,” I was discussing how I’d discovered that the man who has the most beautiful woman on his arm, owns whatever room he’s in.
Unfortunately, it didn’t take long to also discover that many of these women were not only broken, but they were also costly.

Oh, and did I mention that not only was I attracted to broken women, but broken women were also attracted to me?
After discovering the power of beautiful women, I also discovered what freedom felt like and what my future held on the same weekend.

Ok, here it comes, here comes my 16th birthday, the one I’ve been dreaming about.
It’s almost driver’s license day, baby; soon, I’ll be getting my ticket to ride!

I’ve been a car freak since my Dad put me on his lap and let me steer.
He used to talk about how much fun it would be for the two of us to drive across Canada someday in some kind of Car Rally.

Sadly, we never did it, but it’s still on my bucket list.
Hey, maybe I’ll do it with my Brother, my Son, or my Grandson? Unfortunately, though, like Dad, I’m also running out of time.

Alright, the big day has finally arrived, and as I head to the DMV with Mom and Dad, I was a nervous wreck.
I planned on taking the written test, and then while driving, I would memorize the route so I could come back and practice on it.

I aced the test and had the driving route down cold so I was all set.
Then the inspector handed me a piece of paper and told me to give it to the cashier. When I looked at him quizzically, he said, “When you give that piece of paper to her, she’ll give you your driver’s license.”

Are you f**king sh*ting me?
I couldn’t help but break into a couple of choruses of “Free Bird” even though it hadn’t even been written, let alone recorded yet.

The stars were all aligned; it was my birthday, I had my brand new driver’s license, it was Friday night, and all I needed now was my Mother’s car.
After begging her for it for over an hour, she finally reluctantly gave in.

You should have seen us; it looked like I was driving the clown car at the circus.
How we loaded so many of my buddies in my Mom’s small car is a mystery, but we did it, and we had a ball.

We spent most of the night just driving around, laughing and honking at all the pretty girls.
My favorite part was pulling into the A&W and ordering burgers and fries just like the big kids did.
(Me pictured on top driving my brand new wheels)

Not only was it a night that I’ll never forget, but it was also a very late one.
When I finally got home around 2:00 AM, both of my parents were waiting up for me, and I was double grounded.

Surprisingly, spending two weekends in a row at home turned out to be another life-changer.
Not only did I become the first of my friends to see the King, but my life changed once again.

I still remember how bummed I was just sitting there watching some big band show on TV with my folks.
However, when they said, “Let’s welcome back to our stage the young man who caused so much controversy last week.” my ears perked up.

Then, when my Mom said, “Sandy, surely they’re not going to have that disgusting young man on again, are they?”
Now they had my undivided attention.

When this guy named Elvis Presley hit the stage, I was spellbound. He had a contemptuous sneer on his face; his eyes were dark and brooding, his hair was long and shaggy, and he had sideburns down to here.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, and when he broke into Tutti Frutti, I was mesmerized.

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Tutti frutti all rutti
Tutti frutti all rutti
Tutti frutti all rutti
Tutti frutti all rutti
Wop bop a lu bop
A lop bam boom!

As Elvis shouted out the lyrics, he waved his guitar around like a rifle and was also bumping and grinding like a Vegas stripper.
As the girls screamed and cried, I knew right then I had to become a “Guitar Man.”

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